– Will this ever fucking end?
– It’s called life, and it always ends.
Shortest path to idiocy
Unwillingness to understand must be one of the shortest paths to idiocy…
Positive thinking
Positive thinking: One good thing about a nuclear war is that perishable goods would most likely have their due dates pushed several weeks into the “future.”
Retro is the new black
– Have you noticed many TV-shows are trying to revive the 80ies?
– Yeah. Have you noticed many politicians are trying to revive the 30ies?
Update: Apparently, it’s not only the politicians that are trying to reinvent the 30ies. They do it while beeing cheered on by the “voters.”
How many crashes have you experienced?
Tip to frequent flyers:
You may have flown with this aircraft a hundred—perhaps a thousand—times but I know for a fact that you have not been in an accident with it that many times…
What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
I’m sure Trump is doing his best
I’m sure Donald Trump is doing his very best… that’s why I sincerely hope he won’t become the next American president.
Update: Woahahahahaha!!!
As far as I know
Prosecutor: So, you never heard the defendant say he was planning the murder?
Witness: No.
Prosecutor: As far as you know?
Witness: No.
Prosecutor: No?
Witness: I also know things I don’t know…
Prosecutor: What?!
Witness: It’s my super power… of course it’s as far as I know… Captain Obvious!
Judge: Order!
At the end of the day I’m not the president of the United States
“At the end of the day, I’m not the president of the United States.”
/Designated Survivor
Right… Or actually; WRONG!
How the name John came into existence…
How the name John came into existence…
Courtier 1: Your majesty, let me introduce Sir Rorohonojohn of…
The King: JOOOOHN!
Courtier 1: Rorohonojohn…
The King: JOHN! JOHN! JOHN!
Courtier 1: Your majesty…
The King: KILL! KILL! KILL!
Courtier 1 is dispatched of.
Courtier 2: Your majesty, Sir John of Brightumberlandmore…
The King: MOOOOORE! MOOOORE! MOOOOORE!
Courtier 2: Sir John of Moore!
Talkwards 