Asides

A Go Fuck yourself User Fucker Function

“…and the customer support section has a… quote-unquote user contact function… or as we like to call it in the business: a go fuck yourself user fucker function. Needless to say, you will not be disturbed by your customers…”
“Good, we have neither the time nor the personnel for that shit! They should just buy the products and be happy… and have no problems!”

Anti-Vaccine

At the anti-vaccine movement annual conference:

A: Where’s Bob?
B: He’s dead…
A: And John?
B: Dead too.
A: And Rita is dead too… is anyone alive?
B: We are.
A: What happened to them?
B: They claim it was seasonal flu… I mean, come on? Flu?!
A: Yeah! What a transparent lie!
B: So, Chinese satellite death rays then?
A: For sure! Unless their bodies weren’t found… then we can be pretty sure it was an alien probing gone wrong…