If you’re already perfect, there’s no room for improvement…
“…and the customer support section has a… quote-unquote user contact function… or as we like to call it in the business: a go fuck yourself user fucker function. Needless to say, you will not be disturbed by your customers…”
“Good, we have neither the time nor the personnel for that shit! They should just buy the products and be happy… and have no problems!”
Godzilla vs King Kong
in Hong Kong
Not that I’m judging!
This hit’s gonna shit a fan!
A: Why did you punch the guy with the fashionable clothes over there?
B: I was striking a poser…
A: Have you met Bob?
B: The Bob?
A: Yes. The Bob!
B: The Bob who’s famous for being famous?
A: No. That’s Dave. Dave is famous for being famous. Bob is famous for being Bob.
A: Let’s agree to disagree?
B: Let’s go crazy and disagree to agree?
A: Eh… ok. I disagree that we’re agreeing…
B: I disagree.
A: Me too!
B: You’re disagreeing incorrectly!
While creating RPG player characters:
“In fact, I’m double-handed in reality, so for realism, I should get that one for free…”
“Sure, and for realism, you should also get minus 2 on strength and dexterity…”
“Um… let’s not create a character based on reality…?”
“Yeah! Yeah! Whatever, buy me a river!”
At the anti-vaccine movement annual conference:
A: Where’s Bob?
B: He’s dead…
A: And John?
B: Dead too.
A: And Rita is dead too… is anyone alive?
B: We are.
A: What happened to them?
B: They claim it was seasonal flu… I mean, come on? Flu?!
A: Yeah! What a transparent lie!
B: So, Chinese satellite death rays then?
A: For sure! Unless their bodies weren’t found… then we can be pretty sure it was an alien probing gone wrong…