My dog has a cold: Snotweiler…
This bottle of red rum is a rellik. It’s a bouquet to die for!
As a submariner I’m always subconscious at work… however, I also get a lot of help from my unconscious.
I tried to learn the piano but had to quit since I kept going off on a tangent…
“Why the hell did you shoot a flare into the gas tank?”
“I had a flare for the dramatic…”
Perfect Pasta: Deus ex Macaroni…
Veganism: No harm, no fowl.
“Hey, what happened? Did you fall into the lake?”
“I hate my parents…”
“Make a wish my boyfriend said, and when I did he threw me into a well…”
“That’s horrible! But how is it your parent’s fault…?”
“I know I shouldn’t date idiots, but still… if they hadn’t named me Penny…”
Yesterday my girlfriend and I were spooning, but her brother’s girlfriend kinda forked in. Which unfortunately made her brother come at us with a knife. I decided my plate was full, and to not stir the pot anymore I excused myself…
“Where did the ax murderer go?”
“He went out to do some chopping…”