All posts by erk

I love writing, computers, puns... and can sometimes be spiritual, or mindful.

A Go Fuck yourself User Fucker Function

“…and the customer support section has a… quote-unquote user contact function… or as we like to call it in the business: a go fuck yourself user fucker function. Needless to say, you will not be disturbed by your customers…”
“Good, we have neither the time nor the personnel for that shit! They should just buy the products and be happy… and have no problems!”

Entropy Management Plan

I haven’t had a customer ask this one… yet, but here’s my planned answer and some material for thoughts about contingencies and possible pitfalls…

A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.

B: Can you define time for me?

A: …

A: Time is the process by which entropy is increased.

B: Right. So, how much entropy will the project create?

A: …

A: I don’t know.

B: Can you draw up an entropy management plan for me?

A: Right.


A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.

B: Can you define time for me?

A: …

A: Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in an apparently irreversible succession from the past, through the present, into the future.[1]

B: Ooooh! That sounds expensive! We need to limit that somehow… and also… irreversible… how pessimistic… you should hire some PR consultant to get a better description of that!

A: Right.

B: Will you have it for our next meeting?


A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.

B: Can you define time for me?

A: …

A: Time is running out.

A runs out.


Header image: chrisinphilly5448 on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-SA