Torture works! Everyone being tortured confesses! It rocks! What? Incorrect confessions? Why would they lie if they’re innocent? And still, we’ve proven they’re liars… stands to reason they’re not that innocent, don’t you think?
At the .NET product development planning meeting
How exactly did .NET become this horrible mass of non-related crap that it is? I’m imagining how product development meetings went down to get where we are today:
.NET User Group Relations Manager: Programmers are complaining that typos cause compilation errors.
.NET Language Development Technical Lead: Right.
Manager: We need to make it possible for them to solve this problem!
Lead: Sure. They can edit the files in Visual Studio… Even search and re…
Manager: No! No! No! We need to be more user-friendly than that… can’t we replace the typos automatically somehow?
Lead: Search and re…
Not So Technical Lead: Hey! I just had a great idea! How about an alias keyword?
Lead groans, shake his head and waves his arms while…
Manager: That’s great! How would it work?
Lead: Not so well…
Manager and Not So Technical Lead glares at him.
Not So Technical Lead: Well whenever there’s a typo, say someone types “clas” instead of “class”…
Lead: Oh, for the love…
Not So Technical Lead: …they’d just have to add the command “alias clas class” somewhere above that line in the code…
Manager: That’s a great plan…
Lead: Seriously!? With Intellisense they’d…
Manager: However, there’s one problem… Most users prefer to have this happen more automatically… would it be possible to add a spellchecking alias function?
Lead has an aneurysm and becomes a Python programmer.
Microsoft programming
I pressed “F9” in Excel, my Mac crashed. This is part of the error log:
Thu Apr 5 19:54:54 2018 *** Panic Report ***panic(cpu 2 caller 0xffffff800569d6ed): "a freed zone element has been modified in zone kalloc.16 [snip] BSD process name corresponding to current thread: Microsoft Excel
This is probably what happened:
int SIZ = 10;
// creatin var according code manual c65 p17
// value lvl 3, versin 1, varint 1, 1st use:
char* mostMostMotsValudVaribell111 =
new char[SIZ % 5 /* increase mem */
/* knot! */];
for (int i = 0, j = i; SIZ < i
|| j = SIZ /* nly way 2 mk ths wrk */
|| j >= i /* nope */;
j = ++i /* solving! */
/*your knot! */)
*mostMostMotsValudVaribell111[i] =
(char)substr("We saved your tiem!",
i % 10 /* prevent OOM bug */
/* your knot nencumpoop!! */,
1);
// TODO: Find out why sometimes
// Excel crashes here...
// And were knot usin strcpy bcause?
Diary of a Twelve-Year-Old, 2036
Sometimes I bring out my crystal ball and look into the future, this time it’s the diary of a twelve-year-old girl in 2036:
Monday. Back at school. Another school shooting! Third this year. Jeeeez!
Dick (and I mean that in both senses) didn’t get an “A” and decided to “do something about it.” Such a total loser!!!
Tom & Bob got him alright. They were just like, no you’re not gonna eff-ing shoot up our history class! OMG! They nailed his a** to the wall with their AK-47’s!
When life is easy, man is good
When life is easy, man is good.
Think about that for a moment.
How about the opposite? What causes a person to show their worst sides?
Push them into a corner!
I think that is basic evolution. No creature living today would ever take oppression lying down. We will all fight back, whichever way we can. Be it passive-aggressively, by mental hardening, or with violence…
What does this mean?
Two things:
- Any economic, politic och philosophic system that relies on the “innate goodness of man” will only survive as long as life is easy.
- Don’t create worlds that push people into corners or they will defend themselves. (And even if that only happens in the voting booth, it’s still bad news for all of us…)
Navy shower
From Hawaii-Five-O, Season 2, Episode 9 – Ike Maka:
Steve McGarrett: But… I have become accustomed to doing things a certain way.
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: Yeah, I know. And your way, your way is completely insane. It’s- it’s nuts. Who can take a shower in under three minutes? Huh?
Steve McGarrett: Did you ever hear of a navy shower, Danny?
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: No!
Steve McGarrett: A navy shower?
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: Where do you think I woulda heard of something like that? A navy shower!
Steve McGarrett: Three minutes is a luxury!
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: I’m not in the navy!
Steve McGarrett: A navy shower! Danny!
That’s not how I would have done it…
Steve McGarrett: But… I have become accustomed to doing things a certain way.
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: Yeah, I know. And your way, your way is completely insane. It’s- it’s nuts. Who can take a shower in under three minutes? Huh?
Steve McGarrett: Did you ever hear of a navy shower, Danny?
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: No! But this is a question of smell.
Steve McGarrett: What’s that supposed to mean?
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: How do you think a person smells after less than three minutes in the shower?
Steve McGarrett: I smell just fine.
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: I’m not going to comment that.
Steve McGarrett: Are you saying I smell? Really?
Danny ‘Danno’ Williams: I said I’m not going to comment. Can we leave it at that?
Phone company humor
If only phone companies had a bit of humor:
The number you’ve dialed has been eaten by a Grue. Kindly revenge its death!
Or how about spatial confusion:
The number you’ve reached are out of reach. Please try not to reach so far next time…
Anyone remember this TV-show?
Please dial 47 to render the greatest power unto utter desolation!
Communication problems
– We have some serious communication problems, don’t you agree?
– Yes.
– So, how do we solve them?
– Yes. I don’t agree.
– …
– Yes.
– So, how do we solve them?
– Yes. I don’t agree.
– …
Assumo
If you assume too many things you risk turning into a big, fat assumo!
How to survive a disaster!
So, I write. In order to do that I need to have a vivid imagination. Here’s where my vivid imagination is taking me today.
Disasters.
Can you survive them? How? Continue reading How to survive a disaster!
