When things started to spin out of control we had to concede it was probably fool o’clock in the morning and time to call it a day.
“I’m sorry. I can’t be your boyfriend. I’m rude and I’m a challenge to anyone, and you’re already challenged enough…”
I manipulate people, but I’m not an evil person… I do it for their own good…
My dog has a cold: Snotweiler…
“Want some whine with that?”
“Thank’s I’ll manage with a Shot the Hell Up.”
Whenever I get an advertisement for something I’ll never buy, I celebrate that they don’t know everything about me!
I’ve decided to implement a new crisis management protocol for when hilariously undermanned and epically underdocumented projects collide with predictably impossible problems:
Me: We’re unable.
Me: Can’t do that.
Me: We’ll be in the Hudson.
It’s easy to seem smart if you only speak when you know what you’re talking about…
“We’re talking fur here!”
“No, you’re not.”
“Of course we are, feel how soft it is!”
“You’re talking English. Fur is a Nilo-Saharan language spoken by the Fur of Darfur in Western Sudan.”
“You’re suffering from Wikipedia…”