“Hey! How about you dial that back to zero percent?”
“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s Nerd for shut the fuck up!”
“Who’s gonna make me? You and what army?”
“I won’t make you do anything… I may, however, make your email app attach a random dick-pic with every outgoing email…”
Unexpected consequences of falling asleep while listening to music
Unexpected consequences of falling asleep while listening to music:
Do you like Paula Abdul or that bad, bad blood?
Since I was, in fact, “sleep listening” to “Bad Blood” I have to assume I liked “that bad, bad blood” but since I was dreaming I can’t be sure…
Writing Characters Out of the Show: SOP
In the script workshop:
A: We need to write Bob’s character out of the show.
B: Hey! I have a cool idea! Let’s give him true love and kill him.
A: Wow! I’ve never seen it done like that before!
C: Right, one So Happy Together* coming up…
A: We need to write Bob’s character out of the show.
B: Hey! I have a cool idea! Let’s give him true love and kill him.
A: Wow! I’ve never seen it done like that before!
C: Right, one So Happy Together* coming up…
*And if it doesn’t show; I hate that one… whenever I see characters finding love I’m thinking, ok, one of them is going to die… Whenever they don’t die I’m elated that someone was thinking an original thought…
A Bouquet to Die For
This bottle of red rum is a rellik. It’s a bouquet to die for!
Subconscious Unconscious
As a submariner I’m always subconscious at work… however, I also get a lot of help from my unconscious.
Heavyweight Hair Pulling
“People may think hair pulling is lame, but when we do it, it results in bloodshed and black eyes…”
“Black eyes?”
“Yeah, if you use your feet for leverage…”
This isn’t how I remember it, it must have happened in a parallel universe…
This isn’t how I remember it. Obviously, I’m from a parallel universe where what I remember is true and now I’ve moved to this one where it isn’t. That must be it! Yay for me and my perfect memory!
Medicine without Science
Medicine without science is as stupid as drilling a hole in your head… which, of course is exactly what they did…
Power Corrupts and Attracts Corrupt People
Sometimes I wonder what is truer; that power corrupts or that power attracts corrupt people…
A Disgusting Person
“What did the polygraph said?”
“Either he’s lying, or he had to fart a lot.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah… The polygraph can tell us if they need to fart or if they are lying, but we haven’t figured out yet how to distinguish between the two…”
“Either way, he’s a disgusting person. Let’s lock him up.”
“Either he’s lying, or he had to fart a lot.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah… The polygraph can tell us if they need to fart or if they are lying, but we haven’t figured out yet how to distinguish between the two…”
“Either way, he’s a disgusting person. Let’s lock him up.”
