Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.
Alien 1: Ah, you know, those Terrans? The only things they prioritize are sex and survival. No morals. No ethics. Barely even self-conscious… Heinous creatures!
Alien 2: So fence it off?
Alien 1: Oh yeah. And send the slug patrol to keep them on their planet. We do not want these beasts roaming around the universe causing havoc.
What if the smallest particle in our universe was the opening of a wormhole? A wormhole with multiple openings? An infinite number of openings…?
It would make everyday complicated relationships seem easy…
Godzilla vs King Kong
in Hong Kong
playing ping-pong.
Not that I’m judging!
This hit’s gonna shit a fan!
A: Why did you punch the guy with the fashionable clothes over there?
B: I was striking a poser…
A: Have you met Bob?
B: The Bob?
A: Yes. The Bob!
B: The Bob who’s famous for being famous?
A: No. That’s Dave. Dave is famous for being famous. Bob is famous for being Bob.
A: Let’s agree to disagree?
B: Let’s go crazy and disagree to agree?
A: Eh… ok. I disagree that we’re agreeing…
B: I disagree.
A: Me too!
B: You’re disagreeing incorrectly!
I haven’t had a customer ask this one… yet, but here’s my planned answer and some material for thoughts about contingencies and possible pitfalls…
A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.
B: Can you define time for me?
A: …
A: Time is the process by which entropy is increased.
B: Right. So, how much entropy will the project create?
A: …
A: I don’t know.
B: Can you draw up an entropy management plan for me?
A: Right.
A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.
B: Can you define time for me?
A: …
A: Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in an apparently irreversible succession from the past, through the present, into the future.[1]
B: Ooooh! That sounds expensive! We need to limit that somehow… and also… irreversible… how pessimistic… you should hire some PR consultant to get a better description of that!
A: Right.
B: Will you have it for our next meeting?
A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.
B: Can you define time for me?
A: …
A: Time is running out.
A runs out.
Header image: chrisinphilly5448 on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-SA
While creating RPG player characters:
“In fact, I’m double-handed in reality, so for realism, I should get that one for free…”
“Sure, and for realism, you should also get minus 2 on strength and dexterity…”
“Um… let’s not create a character based on reality…?”
“Let’s not…”
Wild Talent:
“Tech level is irrelevant: a TL 3 monk could make an IQ-roll to use Computer Programming…”
GURPS 4e, Basic Set, p. 99
In the year of Our Lord, 1143, on a day as dark and as deep as the nethermost recesses of purgatory, a calamitous storm threw the land into turmoil and dread. My despair was without end and limit but held at bay as visions, I dared hope, sent from Our Lord Himself came over me. My quill danced over the parchment and the script that was produced I named, with the guidance, I was lead to believe, of divine inspiration, a JavaScript. And its contents portrayed such an arcane contraption that would hold the promise of connection with the glorious heavens above! But alas! This channel was promised only through the deployment of the mysterious, I daresay unholy demonic, powers of the Lord Ajax, master of indirection and slayer of submission! Save us Great Lord for the days of single page application are upon us! No longer will a book be a book, for can it be called a book if a book has but a single page? This must surely be a vision of the end of days, the demise of reason, and the eclipse of the minds of men.
Talkwards 