# Category Archives: Humor

Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.

# Passed Away

“I saw that you just passed away, so I thought I should call.”
“What?! I’m still here!”
“Passed away from Facebook, I mean…”
“Yeah, it’s called logging out and normal people do it all the time… you should try it.”

# Magic Pick-Up Tricks

I’ve stopped using magic tricks to pick up women because whenever I try to make something disappear, it’s always the woman that disappears…

# Rookie Introduction

We’ve started using a different method for rookie introduction at my company… It gives… unsurprising results.

Boss to Rookie while taking a tour of the company: …and on your left-hand side, you have the deep end of the project pool. *Push*

Rookie: *Splash* *Blub* *Cough* *Blub* *Blub*

# The Simpleton Pattern

We need to use the simpleton pattern to make the system less confusing…

# Jealousy Murders in Bath

Jealousy murders in Bath. Nimble adulterer left hanging upside down in closet.

Oh… I’m just kidding… Never been to Bath (almost always showers)… never been jealous. I swear! 😛

# In Touch with Reality

Generation X-er: Hey! iPhone zombie! How about you drop that thing and get in touch with reality?

Millennial: Yeah… I’m chatting with Ahmed in a bomb crater in Yemen… he wishes you’d get in touch with reality.

# So much in common

We’ve got so much in common! You’re a therapist and I need therapy…

# How About that Mathematical Proof that Women are Evil?

How about that mathematical proof that women are evil? It goes like this:

Women require time and money… (And I have the black eye to prove that’s all that’s needed… oh yeah… moving on…)

$women = time \cdot money$

Time is money (I’m just not able to find a bank where I can deposit my time, or even less get interest rate on it…)

$time = money$

So…

$women = money \cdot money = money^2$

Money is the root of all evil (which actually is pretty nice to money… after all, 4 money only gives 2 evil … or maybe that’s just to say evil is expensive?)

$money = \sqrt{evil}$

Which means that…

$women = (\sqrt{evil})^2$

Which then obviously means…

$women = evil$

Right?

Wrong!

I bet you’re the kind of person that didn’t pay attention in math class?

An example:

$2^2 = 4$

$(-2)^2 = 4$

So…

$\sqrt{4} = \pm 2$

Which means that in reality …

$women = \pm evil$

Women are evil… or not evil… which we kind of already knew without all this math.

Hah!

# Flair for the Dramatic

“Why the hell did you shoot a flare into the gas tank?”
“I had a flare for the dramatic…”

# Java Lambda Humor

I was experimenting with Lambdas in Java on IntelliJ IDEA… they have a sense of humor.

I was wondering how simple a lambda could get so…

final Supplier<Double> supplier = () -> 1d;
double value = supplier.get();

A lambda (supplier) that produces a number (1) from no input. Pretty simple. What will happen to the code if I refactor supplier to make it an inline expression?

double value = ((Supplier<Double>) () -> 1d).get();

Well… that’s kind of in line with casting and such. Not that nice looking… However, now the IDE tells me I can make a simplification… “Replace method call on lambda with lambda body…” let’s try that:

double value = 1d;

Yeah… hmmm… that’s a pretty simple “lambda” indeed… hah!