Category Archives: Humor

Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.

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A: How is my recommendation doing?
B: We had to let him go…
A: Sorry to hear that, what happened?
B: He brought a bucket of shit to work…
A: That sounds serious… what did he do?
B: He literally brought a bucket of excrement… We had to call in our lawyers to refine the line in our contracts that says we own everything the employees produce… that’s obviously not what we want…

 

Loud Sex

A: Whenever I hear my neighbors having loud sex I always think; get over yourselves! Nobody is having that much fun.

B: Consider the human condition for a moment. Isn’t it likely that by being louder in bed you’re not only able to convince your partner they’re much better in bed than they are, but also yourself that you’re having much more fun than you really are?

A: Get over yourself!

Disappearing Act

A: Aaaaah! Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me!

B: We’re not gonna kill you. Our orders are to disappear you.

A: Uh?

C: Idiot! That’s the same thing.

A: Aaaaaaahhhh!

B: It’s not.

C: What?

B: Disappearing someone and killing someone is not the same thing.

C: How would you know? Have you ever disappeared someone?

B: Not technically. I’ve been there when they caught the guy and then he disappeared.

C: And how do you think they made him disappear?

B: Gave him a false passport?

C: He’d still know he’s he and he’d go to the police and tell them where all the bodies are buried.

B: He wouldn’t.

C: Wanna bet?

B: We don’t bury the bodies. We put them in acid and flush the slurry down the toilet.

C: It’s a figure of speech! Hey, where did the guy go?

B: What?

C: The guy! He disappeared!

B: I told you we wouldn’t have to kill him.

C: Idiot!