“Either he’s lying, or he had to fart a lot.”
“Yeah… The polygraph can tell us if they need to fart or if they are lying, but we haven’t figured out yet how to distinguish between the two…”
“Either way, he’s a disgusting person. Let’s lock him up.”
I decided to spend my retirement in ancient Rome, but I made the huge mistake of bringing a tube of mayonnaise. Now everyone wants snake-shaped aioli and I have to shuttle back and forth between antiquity and modern times like some kind of damned time merchant! The only thing worse would be if they figured out I wasn’t from Atlantis, but the future. God only knows what kind of unrefusable offers they would force upon me then!
A: I’m not going to take the Covid vaccine!
A: I don’t want to get chipped by Bill Gates!
B: Do you have a smartphone?
A: Yeah, why?
“Didn’t you visit the tax authorities last week?”
Meteorologists are catching up with the rest of the world and realizing 2020 isn’t just a mess… it’s a hot mess…. in fact, probably the hottest mess ever.
“Do you have to keep nagging about extremism? Seriously, no one is saying they’re going to start concentration camps or anything!”
“Yeah, Hitler didn’t win the german election on a program of world war, holocaust and the total destruction of Germany… however, given that he ended up taking his life in a bunker, I’m going to say not even he knew the final result of his political agenda.”
“You’re talking about something that isn’t going to happen again!”
“With a little luck… at least not as long as we’re allowed to nag about the consequences of that kind of thinking…”
God: Eh… Right… I guess technically… Yeah, sure… you could say you’re my children… (Redheaded stepchildren…)
Humanity: Yay! We rock!
God: Sure, sure. Now go play civilization with the other sentient species… daddy is busy!
Humanity: WHAT!?!?! Waaaaaaahhhh!
Goddess: What did you do?!?
God: I told humanity about other sentient species…
Goddess sighs: We agreed to wait till they got older!
Goddess: My poor babies! Come to mama!