Category Archives: Humor

Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.

Java Lambda Humor

I was experimenting with Lambdas in Java on IntelliJ IDEA… they have a sense of humor.

I was wondering how simple a lambda could get so…

final Supplier<Double> supplier = () -> 1d;
double value = supplier.get();

A lambda (supplier) that produces a number (1) from no input. Pretty simple. What will happen to the code if I refactor supplier to make it an inline expression?

double value = ((Supplier<Double>) () -> 1d).get();

Well… that’s kind of in line with casting and such. Not that nice looking… However, now the IDE tells me I can make a simplification… “Replace method call on lambda with lambda body…” let’s try that:

double value = 1d;

Yeah… hmmm… that’s a pretty simple “lambda” indeed… hah!

Trying to Email About Trying to Email About Trying to Email About a Totally Fucked Up Situation

Hello,

I’ve spent several days trying to email you about the situation, but every email quickly filled up with expletives, insults, and four-letter-words.

So, I tried to write an email about trying to write an email but that email also became riddled with offensive language pretty quick.

So, in short, the situation is fuuuu…. god damn it! Fuck!

I mean, seriously? How the fuck do you shitholes even manage to draw breath? An amoeba would have IQ 500 compared to what you have! Fucking Jesus would recommend compulsory slaughter if he saw you… I am sure he’s making the case to have you asswipes forever removed from existence in this very moment! FUCK!

Well… fuck that mail too… I probably shouldn’t try to call either… Maybe use a singing telegram service? Where are messengers when you need them?

The Heart of a Small Star

A: The Behemoth Class Battlecruiser is fueled by the heart of a small star, deep within the Colossus Reaction Chamber.

B: I see. So, is this star as massive as Jupiter?

A: It’s only the heart of the star…

B: So less massive than Jupiter?

A: Obviously!

B: So why isn’t Jupiter a small star?

A: It’s only the heart of the star…

B: So a blob of gas and stone then?

A: You’re not understanding at all!

B: According to astrophysics…

A has a narcoleptic seizure.

Isolate or Integrate?

There are two major approaches to dealing with continuous exposure to foreign cultures: Either you isolate yourself until that pesky foreign culture tires and go somewhere else or you integrate that culture until one plus one equals another one.

There are many ideas and theories about integration and perhaps very few good clean facts and answers, I actually don’t know…

…but I do know this; you can always ask any North Korean about isolationism…

…if they even understand that’s an issue in their country…

…and if you’re even able to contact them…

…yeah, you probably can’t ask a North Korean…

Mankind is doomed!