Your facts are opinions and we don’t like your opinions…
Category Archives: Politics and Society
Articles about society, people, and politics.
Giraffes don’t have fins
Why mankind is going to hell via internet:
A: This is a picture of a fish, it clearly have fins!
B: Giraffes don’t have fins!
A: It’s a picture of a fish!
B: What’s fishes got to do with anything?
A: They have fins.
B: Giraffes don’t.
A: We’re talking about fish.
B: Giraffes don’t have fins!
A: Right Giraffes don’t have fins.
B: See, I’m right…
A: Yes with regards to giraffes…
B: …fishes don’t have fins.
A: I give up.
B: I’m so cool! I’m so right! I’m so hot! I’m so bright! I’m so yeah oh yeah!
Wry Grins Kill People
A: But don’t you need a gun, though, if you want to shoot someone?
B: No. Not at all. You can shoot them a wry grin. See, you can shoot someone without a gun. In fact, guns don’t kill people… people kill people…
A: With wry grins?
B: Ehhh…exactly…
Shoot Your Gun laws
“I’m a bit reluctant to visit American states with these… um… what are they called? Shoot your gun laws?”
“Stand your ground laws?”
“Yeah… those…”
Voting
If you have to explain why every adult citizen in a democracy must be allowed to vote, you’re having serious problems with your democracy!
Photo credit: SUXSIEQ on VisualHunt.com / CC BY-NC
123 Handmaid
Step 1: Ban abortions
Step 2: Ban contraceptives
Step 3:
And then I’m not even commenting on what’s going to happen to USA’s already abysmal maternal mortality rate… (Oh yeah, American women die during birth more often than women in any other developed country! Abortion bans will not help…)
Did you really vote for this?
Filibuster Machine
I’m creating a filibuster machine. It consists of a printout of a life-size image of Amy Acker I had lying on my hard drive (no further comments!) and an mp3-player…
What I Have Learned from Right-Wing Extremists
What I have learned from right-wing extremists :
- All foreign-looking men with beards have lied about their age and gained access as underaged children
- They attend ninth grade
- …where they rape nine-year-olds (I am, however, not entirely sure how the nine-year-old ended up in ninth grade… it’s possible right-wing extremists think nine-year-olds attend ninth grade…)
- They, the foreign-looking men, get instructions from the government on what to say and how to act to fool the government that they are underaged
- If they are immigrants, and they scare you, it is a human right to deport them
- Right-wing extremists would hate it if right-wing extremists gained control over our country so it is imperative that we immediately deport all immigrants… because the longer they are allowed to rape, pillage, and murder, the more people will vote for right-wing extremist parties…
- We’re having a total system collapse… at the very latest tomorrow, hordes of different looking people will prevent fire brigades from saving children in burning houses, roads will crack and fall into black holes (possibly because there are so many different looking people standing on them), women will be raped (by the different looking people), race wars will be fought (with the different looking people), dogs (that probably aren’t different looking people, unless it’s suitable that they are) will walk on their hind legs and cats (are always different looking people!) will own stock portfolios, drink coffee with sugar and read the morning news (about all the evil deeds of the different looking dog people)…
- It could also, all be the other way around… in any way, the world will be ending sometime tomorrow likely before lunch!
- They, the right-wing extremists, also have taxi driving friends, from Somalia and Syria that have told them all this, so they are in the know! After all, who would know better about immigrants than other immigrants?
- Rule number one for any form of political discourse is to identify the hopeless cases and pretend that you are deaf, mute and blind if they get anyway near you… or read a book… or feign epilepsy… or to be sure, all five at the same time…
Anti-Vaccine
At the anti-vaccine movement annual conference:
A: Where’s Bob?
B: He’s dead…
A: And John?
B: Dead too.
A: And Rita is dead too… is anyone alive?
B: We are.
A: What happened to them?
B: They claim it was seasonal flu… I mean, come on? Flu?!
A: Yeah! What a transparent lie!
B: So, Chinese satellite death rays then?
A: For sure! Unless their bodies weren’t found… then we can be pretty sure it was an alien probing gone wrong…
Exhaustion management plan
“I looked over the exhaustion management plan, and I have a few questions. For instance, on page two, you recommend EKGs and CAT scans for all patients?”
“Yes, and on page three, we also recommend giving all patients chemotherapy.”
“Yeah… why don’t we just give the patients that need it EKGs and CAT scans and all the rest?”
“You’ve probably not read through the assumptions on page one. There you can see we assume we have forgotten, don’t care, or have been unable to determine any diagnosis for the patients… so this is a kind of catch-all solution…”
“Oh. That explains the full-body casts… “
Talkwards 