In the script workshop:
A: We need to write Bob’s character out of the show.
B: Hey! I have a cool idea! Let’s give him true love and kill him.
A: Wow! I’ve never seen it done like that before!
C: Right, one So Happy Together* coming up…
*And if it doesn’t show; I hate that one… whenever I see characters finding love I’m thinking, ok, one of them is going to die… Whenever they don’t die I’m elated that someone was thinking an original thought…
“What did the polygraph said?”
“Either he’s lying, or he had to fart a lot.”
“Yeah… The polygraph can tell us if they need to fart or if they are lying, but we haven’t figured out yet how to distinguish between the two…”
“Either way, he’s a disgusting person. Let’s lock him up.”
I decided to spend my retirement in ancient Rome, but I made the huge mistake of bringing a tube of mayonnaise. Now everyone wants snake-shaped aioli and I have to shuttle back and forth between antiquity and modern times like some kind of damned time merchant! The only thing worse would be if they figured out I wasn’t from Atlantis, but the future. God only knows what kind of unrefusable offers they would force upon me then!