Dark times require extreme measures…
…and extreme measures ushers in dark times…
…feel free to figure out what came first…
The Whole World In Your Hands
Whenever you shampoo your hair, you’ve got the whole world in your hands…
I was thinking about a TV-show where a character was shaving and singing “He’s got the whole world in his hands.”
Apparently, he was also putting on the aftershave belonging to his girlfriend’s ex-husband.
I was thinking about this while in the shower and it hit me. Given his cocky behavior, the “he” in his song might have referred to he, himself.
I.e. “I’ve got the whole world in my hands…”
At that moment I was shampooing my hair and I realized that, indeed, I did have the whole world in my hands. At least as far as to the concept of you all being in my world. (Woahahaha).
Of course, when you think about the world, we’re all in your world. However, of course, I’m always in my world because I’m special! 😀
Partying with Daniel Craig and Lindsay Lohan
In Cannes, partying with Daniel Craig and Lindsay Lohan. Their faces are huge. He looks a bit old and she looks a bit over the top with her make-up, but hey! They are great drinking buddies!
“Cool,” I say, “that music sounds just like my alarm clock.”
Daniel fades.
“It’s your call,” Lindsay says.
“Fuck!” I say and wake up.
Modern Apology
Modern apology: “I’m afraid that there is such a rich thesaurus now of things that I have said that have been one way or another, through what alchemy I do not know, somehow misconstrued that it would really take me too long to engage in a fully global itinerary of apology to all concerned.”
/Britain’s Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson
Catastrophe Alarm the Samsung Way
So, I’m on the phone and it starts vibrating worse than ever, and I’m like: WTF? No indications or “popups” or whatever.
Then when I’m done talking the phone vibrates again, this time accompanied by the patented “worst ringtone ever”:
This time when I check the phone it turns out the Samsung Zone Alarm is warning about “ice and snow” in Stockholm.
That’s great to know, but seriously… THAT RINGTONE?
I mean imagine, people in floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, and storms hearing THAT RINGTONE? Can you sue for psychological damage?
Ok. Snow storms in Sweden are OK if you keep off the roads and you don’t have the bad luck to get hit by something like “Gudrun,” that may, in fact, bring you off the power grid for a couple of weeks (if you live in the more rural parts of Sweden…)
Cover image: By Dave Harlow, USGS – CVO Photo Archives – Pinatubo, Philippines, Public Domain, Link
Candy Corn
Lie for a living
I lie for a living, and nobody believes me, and now I’m telling the truth and they still don’t believe me! I hate people!
Rap sheet a mile long
When you say someone has a rap sheet a mile long, do you even know what that would mean if it was true?
“He has a rap sheet a mile long!”
“Did you know that if you tape together the pages of my bible it won’t even be 200 meters?”
“Would that be short edge to short edge or long edge to long edge?”
“Short edge to short edge, of course… we wouldn’t want the bible to come up short, would we?”
“But it’s okay to compare it to a rap sheet?”
Now, on the other hand. If we were to type the names of the ca 15 million people that died in Nazi concentration camps due to the decisions of Adolf Hitler on A4 papers, a name per row, forty rows per page. Taping them together the same way would make a “rap sheet” over 100 kilometers long! That’s over 60 miles!
And these are just the names. No room to describe all the crimes committed…
So, in conclusion, a rap sheet a mile long could be equivalent to a “mini Holocaust” with “only” 250 000 victims…
Intent to possess
Witch doctor arrested for possession with the intent to possess.
Safe Word in Yoga
“OK. If there’s a safe word in Yoga, I’d like to know, because at this point I’d like to say it… Aaaaarghhh!”
/NCIS Los Angeles, Season 7, Episode 7
Talkwards 