If I suddenly started hearing voices, I’d ask them to tell me something I didn’t already know… Who knows, what secrets I might uncover?
Category Archives: Humor
Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.
Drug Empire
A: I’m starting a drug empire to sell mouth water.
B: But mouth water isn’t a drug…
A: Well… I might sell other stuff as well, like diapers and bananas and I’ll use all the drug empire methods… part from all the killing, of course.
B: Right. A supermarket then?
Taking the Climate to Court
We have decided to take the climate to court for unprofessional conduct. If there was such a huge problem, why haven’t the climate said something before?
She Needs a Daisical
A: She seems indifferent, what’s up with that?
B: Maybe you should give her a daisical.
A: A what?
B: Yep, she lacks one.
A: Whaaat? Lacks a… Ha-ha… maybe I should PUN-ch your nose?
B: Chmy nose?
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM
…
Ctrl-Shit-X
I pressed ctrl-shit-x in Excel and then everything turned to crap…
Everyone is Equal
A: Everyone is equal.
B: I know that.
A: I mean EVERYONE is equal.
B: Oh… you mean those guys over there as well? Ah… I guess they are as equal over there as we are over here… but I don’t see any reason for them to come over here and be equal.
Bizarre Like Dogs Walking on Two Legs
A: It’s bizarre… Like a dog walking on two legs…
B: Ok?
A: …wearing a tuxedo and a monocle.
B: Yeah, that’s bizarre… tuxedo and monocle…
My Neighbor is an Avenger… I think…
I think an Avenger moved into my house.
Here’s what the hinges on the door looked like after he tried to open it. Now it won’t close properly:
And he tried to do laundry, but that caused even worse problems:
The hinges on the hatch are broken clean off. (Some kind of aversion to hinges?!)
It isn’t easy when you’re super strong… I guess…
Key events of the 21st century – Homework quiz
Future POV on the 21st century:
John’s mom: name two key events of the 21st century?
John: oh, the 21st… was that when they invented telepathy or teleportation? I always confuse those two…
Mom: neither… population reached its peak and fossil fuels were depleted.
John: fossils?
Mom: fuels…
John: what does fossil mean?
Mom: I think, like dinosaurs…?
John: they had dinosaurs in the 21st century?
Mom: I think it was a bit earlier…
John: like the 20th?
Mom: something like that…
Christler
“Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?”
“Can you get by with a Christler?”
“Can you get by with a Christler?”
Talkwards 