I’m building a MUDE: Multi-User Disconnected Experience… also known as writing a book…
Category Archives: Humor
Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.
Inappropriate and Arrogant
A: I’m bored! Tell me a joke.
B: I’d rather not.
A: Why?
B: They say my humor is inappropriate and arrogant.
A: Come on! How bad can it be?
B: Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
A: I’ll risk it!
B: Ok. Isaac Newton was studying relativity theory at the University of Boston.
A: And?
B: And one day he met Albert Einstein who was studying quantum mechanics at the same university…
A: Ok?
B: Yeah. There.
A: What?
B: That’s the joke.
A: I don’t get it…
B: Neither did they!
I won’t mess you up but I will mess up your outgoing email…
“Hey! How about you dial that back to zero percent?”
“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s Nerd for shut the fuck up!”
“Who’s gonna make me? You and what army?”
“I won’t make you do anything… I may, however, make your email app attach a random dick-pic with every outgoing email…”
Unexpected consequences of falling asleep while listening to music
Unexpected consequences of falling asleep while listening to music:
Do you like Paula Abdul or that bad, bad blood?
Since I was, in fact, “sleep listening” to “Bad Blood” I have to assume I liked “that bad, bad blood” but since I was dreaming I can’t be sure…
A Bouquet to Die For
This bottle of red rum is a rellik. It’s a bouquet to die for!
Subconscious Unconscious
As a submariner I’m always subconscious at work… however, I also get a lot of help from my unconscious.
Heavyweight Hair Pulling
“People may think hair pulling is lame, but when we do it, it results in bloodshed and black eyes…”
“Black eyes?”
“Yeah, if you use your feet for leverage…”
This isn’t how I remember it, it must have happened in a parallel universe…
This isn’t how I remember it. Obviously, I’m from a parallel universe where what I remember is true and now I’ve moved to this one where it isn’t. That must be it! Yay for me and my perfect memory!
A Disgusting Person
“What did the polygraph said?”
“Either he’s lying, or he had to fart a lot.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah… The polygraph can tell us if they need to fart or if they are lying, but we haven’t figured out yet how to distinguish between the two…”
“Either way, he’s a disgusting person. Let’s lock him up.”
“Either he’s lying, or he had to fart a lot.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah… The polygraph can tell us if they need to fart or if they are lying, but we haven’t figured out yet how to distinguish between the two…”
“Either way, he’s a disgusting person. Let’s lock him up.”
Human Sacrifice
God: What? Human sacrifices? Again? Hmmm… Listen… just as long as you clean up after yourselves… I don’t want to slip on pools of blood. Ok? Good. Now, shoo!
Talkwards 