Godzilla vs King Kong
in Hong Kong
playing ping-pong.
Not that I’m judging!
Category Archives: Humor
Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.
Shit a fan
This hit’s gonna shit a fan!
Striking a poser
A: Why did you punch the guy with the fashionable clothes over there?
B: I was striking a poser…
Famous for being Bob
A: Have you met Bob?
B: The Bob?
A: Yes. The Bob!
B: The Bob who’s famous for being famous?
A: No. That’s Dave. Dave is famous for being famous. Bob is famous for being Bob.
Disagree to agree
A: Let’s agree to disagree?
B: Let’s go crazy and disagree to agree?
A: Eh… ok. I disagree that we’re agreeing…
B: I disagree.
A: Me too!
B: You’re disagreeing incorrectly!
Entropy Management Plan
I haven’t had a customer ask this one… yet, but here’s my planned answer and some material for thoughts about contingencies and possible pitfalls…
A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.
B: Can you define time for me?
A: …
A: Time is the process by which entropy is increased.
B: Right. So, how much entropy will the project create?
A: …
A: I don’t know.
B: Can you draw up an entropy management plan for me?
A: Right.
A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.
B: Can you define time for me?
A: …
A: Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in an apparently irreversible succession from the past, through the present, into the future.[1]
B: Ooooh! That sounds expensive! We need to limit that somehow… and also… irreversible… how pessimistic… you should hire some PR consultant to get a better description of that!
A: Right.
B: Will you have it for our next meeting?
A: Per our last meeting, here’s the time management plan.
B: Can you define time for me?
A: …
A: Time is running out.
A runs out.
Header image: chrisinphilly5448 on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-SA
RPG Realism
While creating RPG player characters:
“In fact, I’m double-handed in reality, so for realism, I should get that one for free…”
“Sure, and for realism, you should also get minus 2 on strength and dexterity…”
“Um… let’s not create a character based on reality…?”
“Let’s not…”
Wild Talent
Wild Talent:
“Tech level is irrelevant: a TL 3 monk could make an IQ-roll to use Computer Programming…”
GURPS 4e, Basic Set, p. 99
In the year of Our Lord, 1143, on a day as dark and as deep as the nethermost recesses of purgatory, a calamitous storm threw the land into turmoil and dread. My despair was without end and limit but held at bay as visions, I dared hope, sent from Our Lord Himself came over me. My quill danced over the parchment and the script that was produced I named, with the guidance, I was lead to believe, of divine inspiration, a JavaScript. And its contents portrayed such an arcane contraption that would hold the promise of connection with the glorious heavens above! But alas! This channel was promised only through the deployment of the mysterious, I daresay unholy demonic, powers of the Lord Ajax, master of indirection and slayer of submission! Save us Great Lord for the days of single page application are upon us! No longer will a book be a book, for can it be called a book if a book has but a single page? This must surely be a vision of the end of days, the demise of reason, and the eclipse of the minds of men.
What I Have Learned from Right-Wing Extremists
What I have learned from right-wing extremists :
- All foreign-looking men with beards have lied about their age and gained access as underaged children
- They attend ninth grade
- …where they rape nine-year-olds (I am, however, not entirely sure how the nine-year-old ended up in ninth grade… it’s possible right-wing extremists think nine-year-olds attend ninth grade…)
- They, the foreign-looking men, get instructions from the government on what to say and how to act to fool the government that they are underaged
- If they are immigrants, and they scare you, it is a human right to deport them
- Right-wing extremists would hate it if right-wing extremists gained control over our country so it is imperative that we immediately deport all immigrants… because the longer they are allowed to rape, pillage, and murder, the more people will vote for right-wing extremist parties…
- We’re having a total system collapse… at the very latest tomorrow, hordes of different looking people will prevent fire brigades from saving children in burning houses, roads will crack and fall into black holes (possibly because there are so many different looking people standing on them), women will be raped (by the different looking people), race wars will be fought (with the different looking people), dogs (that probably aren’t different looking people, unless it’s suitable that they are) will walk on their hind legs and cats (are always different looking people!) will own stock portfolios, drink coffee with sugar and read the morning news (about all the evil deeds of the different looking dog people)…
- It could also, all be the other way around… in any way, the world will be ending sometime tomorrow likely before lunch!
- They, the right-wing extremists, also have taxi driving friends, from Somalia and Syria that have told them all this, so they are in the know! After all, who would know better about immigrants than other immigrants?
- Rule number one for any form of political discourse is to identify the hopeless cases and pretend that you are deaf, mute and blind if they get anyway near you… or read a book… or feign epilepsy… or to be sure, all five at the same time…
Buy me a River
“Yeah! Yeah! Whatever, buy me a river!”
Talkwards 