I lie for a living, and nobody believes me, and now I’m telling the truth and they still don’t believe me! I hate people!
Witch doctor arrested for possession with the intent to possess.
If you feel that Trump University didn’t deliver what it promised, you missed the point totally: It was a very well performed live demonstration of how a rich capitalist can get richer…
Now go forth and imitate: con, steal, lie and cheat! If it’s good for you, it’s good for your country… I promise!
– How come you never go on dates?
– I have a type…
– A type?
– A typewriter…
Defining/scary moments in life:
- The first time you realize mom and dad don’t have all the answers.
- The first time you realize your doctor doesn’t have all the answers.
- The first time you realize there are questions that have no answers.
– Will this ever fucking end?
– It’s called life, and it always ends.
Unwillingness to understand must be one of the shortest paths to idiocy…
Positive thinking: One good thing about a nuclear war is that perishable goods would most likely have their due dates pushed several weeks into the “future.”
– Have you noticed many TV-shows are trying to revive the 80ies?
– Yeah. Have you noticed many politicians are trying to revive the 30ies?
Update: Apparently, it’s not only the politicians that are trying to reinvent the 30ies. They do it while beeing cheered on by the “voters.”
Tip to frequent flyers:
You may have flown with this aircraft a hundred—perhaps a thousand—times but I know for a fact that you have not been in an accident with it that many times…