Legalese for stop

Legalese for stop

If a person, defined as a two legged mammal of the species Homo Sapiens, over the age of 16, hereby defined as being of the age of 16 metric years and 1 metric second or older, where to come across, meet, bump into, discover, notice, stumble upon, uncover, unearth, intercept, observe, detect, discover, examine, inspect, look at, monitor, note, pay attention to, recognize, regard, scrutinize, study, view, watch, witness or in any other way, shape or form become aware of a red, not yellow, nor white, black, blue, green, pink, azure, orange, magenta, or any color other than red,  eight sided, not one sided, two sided, three sided, four sided, etc up to seven sided, nor nine sided, ten sided or any more sided,  sign, here defined as a metal, wood, plastic, granite, marble, wire, anti gravity, ot other suspension mechanism, topped by a metal, wood, plastic, granite, copper, aluminum,  marble or other material, sign in the shape previously defined with the words “STOP” written in any type font other than Webdings, Open Symbol, or MS Kids across from left to right or right to left or top to bottom or bottom to top or any other angle, and if said person is at the moment of becoming aware as defined above by a sign as defined above, traveling in vehicle defined by but not limited to a car, bike, kite, balloon, ship, tanker, tank, siege machine, airplane, rocket, spaceship, teleportation beam, horse, donkey, dragon, lion, cat, kangaroo, Einstein-Rosen Bridge, or any other known or unknown mode of transportation, shipping, transit, freightage, haulage, passage or any other similar mode, then such a person should immediately as in within reasonable, unhampered, undrugged, uninebriated, undisturbed, unconditional, untraditional, unceremonial, time cease, desist, halt, discontinue, quit, terminate, renounce and relinquish any further transportation and resist and abstain to further travel until such a time as the vehicle as defined above has come to a halt, defined as moving at a speed of less than one meter, not kilometer, millimeter, micro inch, yard, foot, fathom, skull bounce, or any other known or unknown, recognized or unrecognized, serious or silly, measurement of distance, per metric hour.

Don’t keep your enemies close

“Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”


If you stop calling your enemies your life will quickly become less dramatic and you can do funnier stuff than having enemies all over the place.

Or another way of saying it:

– Aren’t you supposed to keep your enemies close?
– Whomever said that cannot have had many enemies…

There are no facts

People that claim they are using facts to argue their side usually don’t understand that facts almost never exist alone in the head of a person – they are almost always accompanied by an interpretation. So, the argument is not about facts, but about interpretations of facts. And those come in as many flavors as there are people there to interpret.