The first step towards failure is believing failure is impossible.
The second step is believing failure is the only possible outcome.
Paradigm shift:
Paradigm shift: Watching Fake News and arguing about alternative facts with my imaginary friends. Who could have guessed the world would change so drastically in a mere month?
Having a blast
– Wow! You look a bit singed, how did chem-lab go?
– It was a blast!
Financing the Mexican-American Wall
Financing the Mexican-American Wall
Trump: The Mexicans will pay for the wall!
The Mexicans: No way!
Trump has his way with America. American refugees and asylum seekers start flooding the Mexican-American border.
The Mexicans: Let’s build that wall!
Trump: Didn’t I say so? I was right then and I am right now and I will always be right!
Chemtrails, WTF?
Four hours after coming home from work: Find myself Googling chemtrails.
Fuck you ADHD! How the hell did I get here? You’re wasting my life, and what the fuck Asperger, did it really took you four fucking hours to figure out what the hell was going on? Get me out of here! NOW!
Rrrrrggghhh!
Facerape – No you weren’t fucking raped!
This week’s unrecommended word: Facerape
Facerape: The act of abusing someone’s Facebook account on a computer where they have left themselves logged in. (Urban dictionary).
So, what’s so wrong with this expression then? (I am sure someone “just has to ask.”)
Eaten by a grue
You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
You are likely to be greeted by a gnu.
You are likely to be treated by a flu.
You are likely to be tested by a clue.
You are likely to be nestled in a stew,
You are likely to be sent off to Peru.
You are likely unlikely… unless unlikely likely… statistically speaking.
Will Donald Trump End the World?
Well, I think we’re dealing with two possible scenarios here:
- When Trump gets to the point where he’s about to start World War 3 the US senate will kick him out on his butt with a vote of no confidence.
- Donald Trump is the leader of an evil alien invasion and the whole senate has been body snatched and they will placidly vote “yes” to anything he says. (This is an alternative fact).
I guess time will tell which one it is… (So far the jury leans towards case 2… oh, and the people that voted for Trump… this can be explained with mind controlling substances in the drinking water, more body snatching and, of course, chemtrails!)
Update: Given the current situation in the White House two alternative scenarios are rising stars on the horizon:
- Donald Trump will accidentally sit on the Football and start WW III.
- The Football will be stolen during a demonstration on a strip club and used to start the third world war. There’s also an alternative 4b where Donald Trump accidentally starts world war three while demonstrating the Football on a strip club.
Update 2: Of course he won’t end the world by doing something as silly as fumbling with the Football… he’s already started it on twitter…
The Fucking Goat Problem
Now, a trauma from my school years.
No, it doesn’t involve goats, and it doesn’t involve fucking! I’m no fucking hillbilly! No goat fucking!
However, the question at hand involves goats and farmers and circular pastures and shit all…
Ok, moving on.
Tough publishing industry
The publishing industry is getting tougher: there will be bold!
Talkwards 