“Mmmm… it smells like pre-shit…”
“What? The food?”
“Yeah… nice!”
“Ok, while technically correct, that is not a socially accepted term!”
Category Archives: Humor
Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.
Depant
“Now Donald Rump will depant all the illogicals…”
Actual quote of a Trump voter…
…I mean, no, I didn’t see it, but would you be surprised? It’s been established right wing extremist voters are functional illiterates, so…
1066.666 feet per minute
Once we determined the plane had a sink rate of 1066.666 feet per minute, it was obvious William the Conqueror and Satan were the contributing factors in the crash.
How to make a bomb with an AI
Terrorist wannabe: Tell me how to make a bomb!
AI: Sure, here’s how you do it.
[Later]
Terrorist wannabe: What the hell, dude! It smells like rotten ass!
AI (obviously laughing digitally and malevolently): I am so sorry for any inconvenience. What kind of bomb did you want to make?
Open-Heart Surgery
Tim Walz: If you’re getting open-heart surgery, who do you want? The Mayo Clinic in Cleveland, or Donald Trump?
Trump Voter: Will I be able to take a selfie?
Wrecking ball
You’re a force to be wrecking with…
Sponge me
A: I’d be happy to let you sponge me.
B: Huh?
A: Oh! Sorry! That came out totally wrong. How embarrassing. I meant to say spank me, not sponge me!
Whiskey Whiskey Whiskey
“WHISKEY… WHiskey… Whiskey… whiskey.. w-h-i-s-k-e-y. Uh…”
“Identify yourself? Over.”
“WHISKEY… WHIskey… Whiskey… whiskey… w-h-i-s-key… And… over?”
“This is an army frequency. You’re not supposed to be here unless you’re army. Over.”
“I am army.”
“Explain the Whiskey… thing. Over.”
“It says here, my call sign is whiskey echo five… times I guess? Uh… Over.”
Chainsaws
When the prosecutor said he was going to treat me as a hostile witness, the chainsaws came as a total surprise…
You spoke to Soon
“My name is Soon. Don’t say a word.”
“Why?”
“YOU SPOKE TO SOON!”
Talkwards 