Make a Wish

“Hey, what happened? Did you fall into the lake?”

“I hate my parents…”

“Why?”

“Make a wish my boyfriend said, and when I did he threw me into a well…”

“That’s horrible! But how is it your parent’s fault…?”

“I know I shouldn’t date idiots, but still… if they hadn’t named me Penny…”

Thoughts and Prayers

Official: Our thoughts and prayers today are with the people…
The People: Phew! We’re saved! The politicians will start thinking from now on…


Official: Our thoughts and prayers today are with the people…
The People: What thoughts are that specifically? Because it seems there haven’t been many thoughts up to this point…


Official: Our thoughts and…
The People: BOOO!


Official: Listen… I’m not gonna say I’m sorry… but I’m thinking about it… it’s just… you know… when there are lots of guns in a place… things are bound to happen… And prayers won’t help but it’s always nice to feel you’re doing something…