My dog has a cold: Snotweiler…
Shot the Hell Up
“Want some whine with that?”
“Thank’s I’ll manage with a Shot the Hell Up.”
“Thank’s I’ll manage with a Shot the Hell Up.”
They don’t know everything about me
Whenever I get an advertisement for something I’ll never buy, I celebrate that they don’t know everything about me!
New Crisis Management Protocol
I’ve decided to implement a new crisis management protocol for when hilariously undermanned and epically underdocumented projects collide with predictably impossible problems:
Customer: …!
Customer: …?!
Me: We’re unable.
Customer: …!?
Customer: …!?!
Customer: …!?!?!
Me: Can’t do that.
Customer: …!!
Customer: …!!?!
Customer: …!!!!!
Customer: …!!?!!!?!!!
Customer: …!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: We’ll be in the Hudson.
Know What You’re Talking About
It’s easy to seem smart if you only speak when you know what you’re talking about…
Unpleasant truths
I might need to rethink my blogging strategy…We’re talking Fur
“We’re talking fur here!”
“No, you’re not.”
“Of course we are, feel how soft it is!”
“You’re talking English. Fur is a Nilo-Saharan language spoken by the Fur of Darfur in Western Sudan.”
“You’re suffering from Wikipedia…”
Post-Truth and Death
Post-Truther: Death sucks! It should be banned!
Second Post-Truther: When the hell is the politicians going to get their shit together and ban death? I mean, seriously?!
Third Post-Truther: I didn’t know politicians could ban death! Wow!
Fouth Post-Truther: WTF?! You can ban death and no one’s doing it? What the fuck is wrong with you politicians!?!
Fifth Post-Truther: You will see my revenge comes next election!
MUDE – Multi-User Disconnected Experience
I’m building a MUDE: Multi-User Disconnected Experience… also known as writing a book…
Snowflake
“Snowflake!”
“Oh, great. You’re quoting Fight Club… It’s sad you didn’t get that movie. Its message is that people with your attitude are way extreme. There are many things in the movie that could have told you that, but the exploding skyscrapers in the end definitely should have.”
Talkwards 