As an aspiring SF author, I try not to write about real stars and planets… I mean, who knows who might want to sue you in a couple of years or decades?
Category Archives: Humor
Well fun stuff (I hope), programming humor, word puns, etc.
Things that will kill you
Things that will kill you:
- Three minutes without air
- Three days without water
- Three weeks without food
- …oh, and Three hours without coffee… right? 😀
But there are always exceptions:
- In cold water, there are reports of survival up to an hour without oxygen. Freedivers manage up to four and a half minutes (22 minutes when not diving to depths), helped by the mammalian diving reflex (and some preparation like oxygen saturation)
- And if you’re unfortunate enough to be in an Austrian prison in the 70ies, you may have to try to survive without water for 18 days… although, there may have been some wall licking going on there…
- If you are overweight, you can survive much longer than twenty one days without food
- The coffee, however, that’s an absolute! 🙂
Post Truth
“I can still see your hand in the cookie jar!”
“No, you can’t! That is not a cookie jar, and this is not a hand… and besides, it’s not my hand anyway… And how about your hand! I swear I saw it in this exact cookie jar last night!”
“No, you can’t! That is not a cookie jar, and this is not a hand… and besides, it’s not my hand anyway… And how about your hand! I swear I saw it in this exact cookie jar last night!”
Sleep depraved
– What… is he doing?
– He’s sleepwalking…
– But why does he… do that?
– He’s sleep depraved…
Scram, scrum
Oh! You said Scrum? I thought you said scram…
It’s all fun and games…
“It’s all fun and games until someone divides by zero.”
/Seen on a T-shirt on “CSI: Cyber”
Important question
Day 1
A: I have a very important question for you.
B: Shoot.
A stares intensely at B. After an uncomfortably long period of silence:
B: So what’s the question?
A: Thanks.
B: Eh? What just happened?
A: I was wondering if you could read minds.
Day 2
A: I have a very important question for you.
B: What? If I can read minds?
A: Ah-hah! I knew you were lying yesterday!
On a bender
“Hey! Korra, what happened?”
“I went on a bender.”
“I went on a bender.”
Central (c)heating
Central heating is like telling your boss your work effort will differ between days. You’ll put a little extra into having weekends and vacations and take a few hours off on work days…
My central “heating:” summers 35°C*, winters 19…
* Not that there’s really anything in place to bring the temperature down… but still…
Psychic reading
Psychic, adjusting the crystal ball: So, I can see here you’re going to have a car accident… in two days turning off I-10… Oh, right… not anymore… because I just told you. Also, your brother will lose a lot of money…. or not… right, you should definitely convince him not to invest all his savings in the soon to be discovered pyramid sales con… and your marriage will be shaky… ah, yeah… good on you… if you just stay clear of the boss’s assistant your marriage will be fine… hmmm… I can see here you’re going to have a depressingly normal life… good for you!
Header image by Sindre Strøm from Pexels, Link
Talkwards 