I asked the police for condoms. They threatened to arrest me. So much for “Protect and Serve”!
All posts by erk
2020 Hingsight
Did, the coronavirus just give the expression “2020 Hindsight” a new meaning?
My Apartment’s Been Overtaken by Hostile Demon Forces
“My apartment’s been overtaken by hostile demon forces!”
/Charmed
Yeah! I feel you. Happens to me all the time!
Fool O’Clock
When things started to spin out of control we had to concede it was probably fool o’clock in the morning and time to call it a day.
Challenge
“I’m sorry. I can’t be your boyfriend. I’m rude and I’m a challenge to anyone, and you’re already challenged enough…”
Manipulation
I manipulate people, but I’m not an evil person… I do it for their own good…
Snotweiler
My dog has a cold: Snotweiler…
Shot the Hell Up
“Want some whine with that?”
“Thank’s I’ll manage with a Shot the Hell Up.”
“Thank’s I’ll manage with a Shot the Hell Up.”
They don’t know everything about me
Whenever I get an advertisement for something I’ll never buy, I celebrate that they don’t know everything about me!
New Crisis Management Protocol
I’ve decided to implement a new crisis management protocol for when hilariously undermanned and epically underdocumented projects collide with predictably impossible problems:
Customer: …!
Customer: …?!
Me: We’re unable.
Customer: …!?
Customer: …!?!
Customer: …!?!?!
Me: Can’t do that.
Customer: …!!
Customer: …!!?!
Customer: …!!!!!
Customer: …!!?!!!?!!!
Customer: …!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: We’ll be in the Hudson.
Talkwards 