Hey Apple! I tried to call 935 975 949 dollars to ask them if they wanted to come and stay with me, but instead, this grumpy old guy answered. I have to turn my iPhone in for service, right? I marked the dollars in my Safari and it said I could call them using my iPhone… I want my dollars! You said I could call them! That was a lie!

Header image (pallets of bills, possibly millions, even billions): By Creator:Michael Marcovici – Own work, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=12173330