Sometimes I bring out my crystal ball and look into the future, this time it’s the diary of a twelve-year-old girl in 2036:

Monday. Back in school. Another school shooting! Third this year. Jeeeez!

Dick (and I mean that in both senses) didn’t get an “A” and decided to “do something about it.” Such a total loser!!!

Tom & Bob got him alright. They were just like, no you’re not gonna eff-ing shoot up our history class! OMG! They nailed his a** to the wall with their AK-47’s!

Always thought of Kalashnikovs as old and musty… and communist! …but those guys with those guns… OMG! Wow! Chills! Yay for AK’s!

Seriously doubt we’ll have any lessons in that classroom for a month! LOL!

Only carpy thing is, AK’s are a bit too big for little ol’ me… Maybe date someone with one? But I’m more into machine gun-guys… Those guns make my heart throb for real!

Oh, and John is kinda comatized and Lily will probably lose an eye. Sad! She had such beautiful big blues.

Seriously! Always thinking of Gerald with the machine gun in the cafeteria when carp like this goes down.

(Yes! Gerald had a machine gun… it was some nazi-bullcarp-stuff… I think from WW II… MG 130 something… and no, it didn’t make him hot… probably sweaty though! LOL!)

Went back there once before the renovation. From the bullet holes, he almost managed to do a 360-degree turn before Mr. Johnson put him down.

In one place he stumbles and sends the bullets up the wall. The guy just right to me–don’t remember his name now–got cut almost in half. Then the bullets wander over my head. And I’m just sitting there like an eff-ing UFO! Man, did I hear that one for almost a year afterward!

Not that diving to the floor helped those to the left of me. That’s when Gerald went down on the ground, clipping the feet of those who hadn’t gotten down, seriously eff-ing up almost all of those who had.

The police said he had been high on drugs, watched internet pornography and gone mad when his GF broke up with him.

That last part really made us go ape-sh*t. What eff-ing GF? How breaking up? By springing a leak and not being inflatable anymore? Seriously?

Gerald’s darned finger probably got stuck in the trigger guard somehow. He had almost shot his right foot off already before. Or his eff-ing replica suddenly decided to work… In most likelihood, he’s among the few people not intending to maim & murder who managed to do more harm than those who did!

The only thing limiting his kill count: most of the low graders had already had their lunch. Those morons don’t know how to deal with a code red…

Surprising none of those gun control freaks tried to use Gerald as their poster boy for when gun ownership goes horribly wrong. Hands down, he was!

Not that anyone of those a-holes would ever dare to show their faces here. We would give them a gun show… meaning a show of guns LOL!

Seriously thinking about getting an UZI for my thirteenth… Life’s short after all! And I don’t want people to think I’m gay or something!

I remember Stella when she let those Dungeons-and-Assault-Rifles-whatever-a-holes know what’s what with her UZI. OMG! We were like: Go, girl!!! I swear there are still pieces of them stuck in the ceiling vents! LOL!

Although I heard UZIs pack a pretty punch. Don’t wanna get knocked on my butt & have my hair ruined. Maybe something a bit lighter? With stabilizer & targeting software. Stella was a big girl with a strong grip after all… and into classics.

On the other hand. Don’t want something too easy to handle either… Mom says Dad always wanted me to have a Children’s Assault Rifle. And whenever I talk about stabilizers and targeting software she always starts talking about CARs. But jeez… they are for like five-year-olds! Orange and pink and carp and with an eff-ing neck strap so you don’t lose it! OMG!

If I toted around a CAR, Dad would turn in his grave! Eff no! He’d have wanted his girl to have a grown-up piece. He used to say, it’s all about owning your gun, not your gun owning you.

Maybe semi-stabilized? But not an AR! Hell no! Eff-ing mom-gun!

OMG! Have to remember to get a new dress for Mass Shooting Victims Day! Dad & Drew would’ve wanted their girl to look great on their Big Day.

Carp! Time flies… I’m off to the range for PE… Wish me luck!

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Header image: by Gallila-Photo, CC0, Link