“I’ll give you a $100 discount!”
“Wow, what will that give me?”
“A sandwich… with cheese… If you want ham it’s $200…”
Step 1: Ban abortions
Step 2: Ban contraceptives
And then I’m not even commenting on what’s going to happen to USA’s already abysmal maternal mortality rate… (Oh yeah, American women die during birth more often than women in any other developed country! Abortion bans will not help…)
Did you really vote for this?
I’m creating a filibuster machine. It consists of a printout of a life-size image of Amy Acker I had lying on my hard drive (no further comments!) and an mp3-player…
Why “set to stun” will never happen in reality:
“Shut up mom!”
“Oh! Shit! I thought it was set to stun…”
If you’re already perfect, there’s no room for improvement…
“…and the customer support section has a… quote-unquote user contact function… or as we like to call it in the business: a go fuck yourself user fucker function. Needless to say, you will not be disturbed by your customers…”
“Good, we have neither the time nor the personnel for that shit! They should just buy the products and be happy… and have no problems!”
Alien 1: Ah, you know, those Terrans? The only things they prioritize are sex and survival. No morals. No ethics. Barely even self-conscious… Heinous creatures!
Alien 2: So fence it off?
Alien 1: Oh yeah. And send the slug patrol to keep them on their planet. We do not want these beasts roaming around the universe causing havoc.
What if the smallest particle in our universe was the opening of a wormhole? A wormhole with multiple openings? An infinite number of openings…?
It would make everyday complicated relationships seem easy…
Godzilla vs King Kong
in Hong Kong
Not that I’m judging!